Saturday, November 1, 2008

The other woman

There was another woman in my husband's life. I know most of you were not aware of this and I've kept it a secret for many reasons. Most of all, I guess it was pride and shame. After all, we had been married for many, many years before the other woman became a threat, but I knew he wouldn't leave me for her even though she was younger. Can you believe my man got a younger, much younger woman who was in fact smaller than me (now I know some of you must be saying, smaller than you???? How could that be? You are so petite and proportioned in just the right way.) This girl wouldn't even talk unless he asked her to. Now what woman in her right mind would do that? She must be pretty stupid to not talk and give her insightfulness and humor. Unless of course she didn't have either! Well, as it turns out, I was fully aware of the other woman from the beginning. In fact I had even encouraged it, but it came back to haunt me. I'm sure you must be thinking you are certainly more liberal than I thought, but for various reasons which I don't care to share, it did happen and if you really want to know the whole truth it happened almost three years ago after Thanksgiving in 2005. This is getting pretty juicy. Well, read on, it gets better.........

At first I was okay with it. I thought she couldn't hurt us and I know that was pretty dumb of me, but what can I say. I guess I was ignorant. I even met her before he did and I may have even suggested the matchup. I didn't anticipate how important she would become to him and how he would compare us and always value what she said over me. Most of the time when he went somewhere, he would consult with her and the majority of these times I would even be with him. You see the other woman in my man's life was a GPS and she in fact was NAVMAN---but he made her a woman. When we got in the car, he would say, "Turn on my girlfriend." In the beginning, I did so obediently and willingly (just like I have done for our entire marriage), but then she began to annoy me. He used her more and more and in my opinion (which by the way is very valuable and he should always ask for it) he became too dependent on her. If we had already been to the same place before, why should he consult the other woman? I could tell him where to go if he needed guidance or direction. I don't know exactly how long it was before I let him know of my disdain for her, but I think he began to realize, when I would mutter soft noises or even say, "Why do we need her? I can tell you where to go." Believe me, I knew the way. Women know directions and I have been his personal navigation system long before her, but his dependency on her grew and grew and I guess I moaned and groaned a little too much because he finally asked me this year, "Would you be more comfortable if my girlfriend had a voice change?" In other words, he was now asking me if I wanted a boyfriend. So I whispered ever so softly, "Maybe." All it took was the flip of a switch and it was done. It was my perception that my hubby's need for his GPS diminished and I believe it was because of the change. I could tolerate "my boyfriend" better than "his girlfriend". Sadly, I must report on the last day of the Texas State Fair, demise came to our friend. Sarah had come home that weekend and had really wanted to go to the fair. At first, I didn't really want to go and I moaned and groaned some, but then I thought, "My baby girl wants to go and she is having a tough semester so I can just be nice and go because after all it’s not all about me!!” We did have a great day. We walked around, saw a couple of dog shows, the bird show, bag pipers, and ate some pretty yummy food. My favorite was "Fire and Ice". I did get a little grumpy (this rarely happens) and I was ready to go probably earlier than they were. We had a pretty long walk to the car and I had actually no more than gotten in the car and sat down and hubby says, "Turn on your boyfriend". I'm trying to get all settled with my collection of plastic car bags from the automobile building and my backpack. I find my boyfriend, turn him on and hubby is now driving slowly through the parking lot. I am still getting settled so I place Navman on my leg and I'm not sure what happened, but I really think it was hubby's fault due to his need to have Navman on so quickly and he rushed me or maybe he made a quick turn, but Navman slipped off my lap into a big Sonic cup of water that had been left in the cup holder. I retrieved it quickly, wiped it off, and was hopeful that this was not the end of our friend. I did get it to power on but all that appeared was a blank screen. I must say my dear hubby didn't even get mad at me and I thought he would because it really was my fault and I can't blame him for something I did. That's why I love him. He is sweet like that!! When we got home, I thought maybe if I put Navman in front of a fan and let it dry out, it would work again. No such luck----Navman is no more. It will be a while before we can replace it so hubby is stuck listening to my directions, but I will never tell him how to drive or where to go unless he asks me. I'm nice like that.
*****DISCLAIMER------all information written above isn't entirely accurate according to my hubby, who by the way, I think I’ll keep a few more years!!!


Cortni said...

I am laughing out loud! You are hilarious! I am sorry about the loss of the other woman/man. Surely someone better will come along :)

Anonymous said...

You make me laugh so much. I love the other woman. I have had this problem also.